When Insecurity Is Your Security Blanket

Insecurity has been on my mind lately. Every time I put entries in my food diary on My Fitness Pal. Every time I have to jump up and down to get my skinny jeans over my heiny. Every time my toddler collapses into a tantrum in the middle of a crowded store. And definitely every time I drop Maverick off at school in my pajamas.

Insecurity leads me to question every decision I make in the parenting realm and in my marriage. I don't know about you, but I pretty much have a constant stream of  "Do I look okay? Am I doing this right? Are they judging me?" running through my brain.

I let myself go on comparison streaks. I pit myself against a skinny 21 year old who has never carried 7 pounds of baby in her belly three different times. Or the mom who has these super well-behaved children. Or that sweet, funny yet not dorky, bubbling personality standing with legs that have a thigh gap. Or, OR....the mom with a "real job".

Insecurity is easy. I really believe it's our default. It's easier than trusting God. It takes less effort to wallow than it does to stand up and be confident in who God called us to be. It becomes our comfort item. We cling to it because we just don't know how to function without holding tight to our list of faults and comparisons. 

But here's the deal. Every time I let insecurity win, every time I hold tight to that security blanket of self -doubt, I'm telling God that He didn't do that great of a job on me. When I question my God-given callings and talents, I'm questioning the Creator of sunsets and baby toes.

When we reduce ourselves to a list of pros and cons we reduce our identity in Christ. When, after pursuing God's best, we doubt, it's like painting over a beautiful mural with builder's beige. As children of God we need to pray and read his Word and be confident and encouraged by the message we recieve from communing with our Creator.

He loves us. Let that be our security.

Do you ever feel anything like I do? Do you struggle at all with insecurity?

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DIY Milk Glass Pedestal Bowl

Every few years I have a shift in obsessions. When I was first married it was Blue Willow dishes. Followed by vintage teapots. And up until about a month ago it was vintage Pyrex. Now, it's milk glass. Ever since I painted my kitchen table and made my very pretty black and white damask table cloth, I've been dying for a milk glass pedestal bowl to use as my centerpiece.

The search began. I found a beautiful hobnail one at Goodwill for $2. But it had weird sticky brown substance in the bowl. I put it back and now I'm kicking myself. I totally could have thrown on some rubber gloves and tackled that mess with some vinegar and baking soda, but I guess I was being a wuss that day.

Anyway, I started to look on Etsy.

 Most of the pedestal bowls were $15-$25 plus like $15 in shipping. Let me remind you that we are a family of five living on a firefighter's income. So, yeah....That wasn't going to happen.

As I was doing my weekly Goodwill run last week I found this cute little clear glass bowl with scalloped edges for $2. Duh. I skipped an aisle over and grabbed a 50 cent wine glass. I couldn't wait to get home! Visions of E6000 and spray paint were dancing in my head.

I'm sure you guys can figure this out on your own, but here's a gratuitous tutorial for you anyway.

What you need:

Clear glass bowl
Wine glass
E6000 glue
White spray paint

Wash and dry your bowl and wine glass.

Glue the bottom of the wine glass to the bottom of the bowl. The trick with E6000 and glass is to apply a thin coat to both surfaces and let them sit for 5 minutes or so before sticking them together. Let the bowl and glass dry for at least 4-6 hours before trying to pick up.

Oh hey, Natalie Portman!

Spray paint (I'm a fan of Krylon) your newly created pedestal bowl. Light coats. Always light coats. I think I did about 4 coats. It was windy that day and my paint is a bit uneven but you can't tell unless you hold it up to the light.

Let it dry and fill it with fruit. As long as you don't paint the inside of the bowl, then it's food safe. Otherwise, I suggest only putting wrapped food products or fruit and vegetables that you plan on peeling into the bowl, just to be safe.

This little beauty should  satisfy my obsession until Mother's Day or my birthday or the next time someone wants to buy me a present.

What's your decor obsession?



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A Birthday Letter to My Middle Child

Dear Hudson Rhys,

Your birthday is tomorrow. You will be two years old. I cannot believe that two years have passed since we welcomed you to our family. What an addition you have been!

I still remember the day I found out I was expecting. I cried big, fat tears of joy. I had all but given up on giving Maverick a sibling. And then that beautiful second line popped up on that dollar store pregnancy test.

The first three months of carrying you were hard. I was sick. I never actually threw up, just had the worst constant flu-like feeling and would get carsick even while I was driving. Finally, the second trimester rolled around I felt amazing. I had tons of energy and my nesting instinct kicked in full force. I sewed so much while you were in my belly that after you were born I would put your bouncy seat on the kitchen table while I stitched to soothe you.

38 weeks pregnant

You made me beautiful. If every pregnancy was like yours I would not stop getting pregnant. I positively glowed.

You were born by scheduled c-section at 39 weeks. I loved your birth. I was calm and relaxed and since it was scheduled I wasn't the least bit groggy. And I recovered so quickly. You came out with the most beautiful skin I had seen on a baby. You were this perfect, bright-eyed, olive skinned baby boy who instantly stole my heart.

Nice to meet you, sweet boy.

Today, you are my funny, funny boy. You have this sense of humor that is beyond your years. You are crazy, a daredevil who loves to almost give me heart attacks. You try to eat everything. And I mean, EVERYTHING.

Sir Taco Face will tolerate none of your shenanigans.

You are sweet and cuddly, but can flip a switch and have a temper that is out of this world. You definitely must have your way or we experience your wrath. You are extremely destructive. You are why we can't have nice things. You are my strong-willed child, without a doubt. I'm pretty sure Dr. James Dobson had you in mind when writing that book. You challenge me every single day and I know God uses you already to
grow my faith and patience.

You go by many nicknames. Chubs, Bub, Grumpy Cat, Scrambles the Death Dealer. But I usually just call you Sweet Boy.

Human version of Grumpy Cat

You love your brothers so much.  You are always concerned about baby Royce and always excited when Maverick gets home from school. But you also like to beat them up.

You and your "Magick"

You and baby Royce

You love trains and firetrucks and tractors. Your favorite show is a bad 90's kid's documentary about firetrucks that plays on a loop all day. You love to ride four wheelers and horses and to just be outside in general.Your favorite foods are pizza and candy and anything in a 32 oz styrofoam cup.

Every day I look at you and shake my head wondering what recessive genes combined to make this blonde-haired, dark-skinned, stocky-built child. You look nothing like your brothers. You are my wild card.

You are a mama's boy who is also absolutely crazy for your daddy. And your grandparents. And your aunts and uncles. You are just one loving kid.

Making faces in the mirror with Mama

Maverick is my blessing. Royce is my sweet surprise.

You are my reward.

"I prayed for this child and the Lord has granted me what I asked of Him." -1 Samuel 1:27

Happy birthday, sweet boy. Pin It Now!

No Sickies: Our Over Simplified Guide to Staying Well

My kids have not been sick since November. I know, right? We are crazy lucky to not have had to deal with the horrible flu epidemic. I've had friends whose kids have actually both Type A and Type B flu! But, somehow we've escaped all illness except for the occasional snotty nose when the weather changes.

But it's not all just pure luck. I do have a few tricks (some my husband refers to as "weird Mexican voodoo") up my sleeve.

Tip #1: flu shots.

Me and the big boys all got flu shots. I'm actually a big advocate of delay/selective vaccination and my babies don't recieve any shots until they are at least six months old. Last year we opted out of the flu shots. I felt them unnecessary. And then Justin, Maverick, and Hudson all got Type A flu. And then pneumonia. And almost had to be hospitalized. And it was one of the roughest two week periods in my life. I escaped with very minor symptoms because the doctor who diagnosed the boys gave me a very expensive prescription for Tamiflu.

So, this year I bucked up and got the shots. I waited until after I delivered Royce, but the boys gots theirs as soon as the doctor offered them.

Tip #2: Take your vitamins.

The boys also take vitamins everyday. I can't get Hudson to take any sort of multi vitamin. He spits out the gummies and gags on the chewables. But he will take powdered forms mixed into his drinks. I like Emergen-C. I think it tastes awful, but he drinks it up. It's not a multi, but it gives him a hefty dose of vitamin C and D.

Maverick takes a gummy multivitamin every day.

When the stomach bug is going around I also like to mix some powdered probiotics into the kid's milk to give them an extra boost.

Tip #3: Check into essential oils.

Now here's the "voodoo" part. I am slowly learning about and experimenting with essential oils. Right now, my medicine cabinet has tea tree, eucalyptus, lavender, peppermint, and the one that I think has helped the most, Germ Fighter by Plant Therapy. It's a knock off of Thieves Oil and comes at a fraction of the cost.

Here's what I do. Every night I run a vaporizer in the boys' room with a few drops of Germ Fighter. I also add a few drop of eucalyptus if they are a little stuffy or snotty. I also apply Germ Fighter to the soles of thier feet (mixed with coconut oil) if I feel like they might be getting sick.

I also do a majority of my cleaning using essential oils. I use a mix of Dawn and vinegar to clean about 90% of my house. Once flu season hit I added a few drops each of tea tree, eucalyptus, peppermint, and Germ Fighter to the bottle. All of those oils have natural anti bacterial, viral, and fungal properties.

Hopefully, this combo will continue to work to keep us well.

How do you keep your family well during flu season? Pin It Now!

And baby makes 5...

So, I've been MIA awhile now on account of having a baby. I really want to get back into blogging, So I've figured that a birth story is a good way to do that.

January 7, 2013
I went in for what was hopefully going to be my last checkup before meeting Royce. I did the whole "pee in a cup, stand on a scale" thing and then they took my blood pressure. My BP had been erratic the past few weeks and there had been some protien in my urine, prompting the doctor to schedule non-stress tests every couple of days. That day my blood pressure was 165/97 and I was still definitely spilling protien. So, off to the hospital I went for yet another non-stress test and the shocking news that I would be having a baby the very next day, not three days from then.
I got to the hospital, was wired up and waited. And waited some more. My doctor came in and told me he couldn't let me go home and that if my BP didn't stabilize he would take the baby that night.
I was a wreck. I  had nothing with me. I was by myself and completely unprepared. I immediately called my mom (my husband was asleep as he had worked the night before) and basically had a mini panic attack. After a million phone calls, I got my kids where they needed to be, my bags brought in, and my husband by my side. My in laws brought my boys in to see me and I felt much better and calmer afterwards.

January 8, 2013
My husband and I tried to sleep but I kept getting woke up by the blood pressure monitor and by 4 am we were both awake. My C-section was supposed to happen at 8:00. Around 5:00 the nurses came in and started prepping me with the gown and the IV and other various tubes and wires.

Around 8:45 am they wheeled me back to the OR. I was cold and shaking uncontrollably. The nurses were wonderful and the anestiologist was very kind and did his best putting in my spinal block. They laid me back and put up the curtain. My doctor arrived and everyone dove into action.
I knew something wasn't right when I could feel them prepping my belly. They started pinching me asking if I could feel anything. I could, and it hurt. This went on for what felt like forever before the anestiologist declared my spinal block ineffective. It had numbed me some, but not enough. He gave me three choices. One: he could try the spinal again but risk me getting a spinal headache and needing a blood patch. Two: they could pump me full of narcotics and hope I didn't feel much during the surgery, but I would still be awake. Or three: knock me out.
I immediately began to cry and asked for my husband. He reassured me and I finally asked to just be put under. I was terrified. The last thing I remember was feeling my tears start to pool under the oxygen mask.
I woke up to warm blankets and a smiling nurse. I was cold and dizzy and my throat hurt. The next thing I knew my husband was standing next to me smiling and asking "So are we going with Presley?". I agreed. We decided to change the baby's middle name at the last minute from Westley to Presley because he was born on Elvis's birthday.
Justin left to go get the baby and returned with our gorgeous 7 pound, 19.75 inches long surprise little boy. And once again my heart expanded to accomodate the flood of love that overcame me.

Proud brother Maverick playing paparazzi

Hudson meeting Royce for the first time

Royce Presley James
January 8, 2013
9:18 am
7 lbs. 19.75 in.

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Easy $5 Gift for Teen and Tween Girls

I have four teenage nieces and two tweenage girl cousins. They are notoriously hard to buy for. I seriously am at a loss every year. I would love to just be able to buy them gift cards or give them cash, but, um, what's a $5 gift card gonna buy? One sock? Chapstick?

I wanted to come up with something that I could just replicate six times in a short time period, but that was something they would appreciate. And now enters the key player. The Target $1 Spot. Oh, how I love thee. My little heart goes pitter patter everytime I'm able to grace your aisles.

So here's your breakdown of a really cute, really fast, really cheap gift for girls.

Pedicure Set $1
Christmas-y socks $1
Nail Polish $2

I apologize for the pictures. It's been very dreary here. Even with my new camera and all the windows and doors and lights, they still sucked.

My gift wrapping theme this year is Julie Andrews. Ya know, "brown paper packages tied up with string...".

I dropped the socks, pedicure set, and polish is a brown lunch sack, folded it over, punched a couple of holes, added this adorable "For Your Mistle-Toes" tag (buy them here from Making Life Whimsical), and tied it all together with gorgeous red and white baker's twine.

Can someone please tell me why I love baker's twine so much????

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Pintastic Tuesday: Whining Edition

I did absolutely nothing creative this week.

I didn't even fold laundry.

Last night was one of those nights. My back was aching so bad from detailing my van (not the best idea to be crawling all over a minivan dragging a Shop Vac with a 6 1/2 month pregnant belly) and the boys were just terrible. Whiny, fighting, defiant. Hudson made a huge mess at the Chinese restuarant and then screamed all the way through Wal-Mart because we had to buckle him in the cart as he refused to stop standing up in the seat. Maverick was back talking and whining and when we got home "forgot" to shut the curtain when he took a shower which resulted in a small flood in our bathroom. And then I yelled and crushed his dreams by refusing to read him a story.

I snapped at Justin. He yelled at me. I cried. And whined because our apartment has stairs.

It was like the joy was just sucked out of yesterday and replaced by guilt and anger.

I was so frustrated with myself, with the boys, with Justin and I hated myself for feeling that way.

I prayed that God would forgive me for my attitude and help me to have patience and find joy in parenting and being a wife.

So, I woke up this morning with a still-aching back to a little man who was dragging his feet getting ready for school. Who decided that what we laid out for his outfit last night need some restyling. Who also decided at the last minute that the school lunch wasn't good enough and got upset when I didn't have time to pack his lunch. And I kept my cool. I'm proud to say there was no yelling and that I only said one thing that I felt bad about.

Right now, I am sitting on my couch in my pjs letting Hudson eat handfuls of Goldfish and drag the unfolded laundry out of the basket. My dishes are still not done from breakfast. And I'm still feeling a little sucky about life.

I know that God allows us crap days, so when the good days come we can appreciate them more. And because He wants us to rely on him, not our circumstances, for our joy. I think He kinda sighs a bit when I have to keep learning this lesson over and over. And I am so thankful that He never gives up on me.

So, because I didn't do anything worth showing you all this week, here's a printable from HomeLife magazine that I pinned and one day hope to get printed out and hung on my wall.

Source: homelifemagazine.ning.com via Aunna on Pinterest

I hope I can do a better job of trusting in Him. I'd like to have that whole "overflowing with hope, joy, and peace" thing every second of every day.

Thanks for stopping by.

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